oh God, be near

I grew up in the church, but I did not read Scripture on my own until I was in middle school. Even then, I read the bible out of a works-based understanding of Christianity. In fact, it was not until I was in college that I understood that Christianity is a relationship with a living God. Furthermore, it was not until recently that I started to find true joy in reading Scripture and praying.

Having said that, a lot of my understanding of God's character was shaped by bits and pieces that I gathered through sermons, bible studies, and retreats. Naturally, this left me to fill in the blank spaces on my own. Thankfully, but to my utter dismay, I have been realizing how wrong I have been in some of the fundamental features about God's character, including the difference between God's omnipresence and His close presence.

To be more specific, I grew up learning that one of God's infinite character is that He is omnipresent. For many years, I mistook this as thinking that He is with everyone. However, a closer look at Scripture shows that this is not the case at all! So... who is God not near?

1. God is not with the proud ("Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar" Psalm 138:6)
2. God is not with the worldly ("You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity with God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God" James 4:4)
3. God is not with the rebellious ("Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the LORD, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged. Why will you still be struck down? Why will you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint" Isaiah 1:4,5)
4. God is not with those who harbor secret, private sin ("If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened" Psalm 66:18)

Even before I learned this, I have been lifting up prayers of repentance and thanksgiving every day. I have come to a point where I am now asking God to open my eyes so that I may see and repent of anything and everything that is hindering my relationship with Him.

I am not saying this to boast. In fact, if you know me, you would know that one of the bible verses that I hold very close to my heart is 1 Timothy 1:15, which reads, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst." I am sharing this as a testimony. Growing up, I broke a lot of hearts, including my parents'. Therefore, for someone like me to be where I am now is only a testimony of God's infinite grace and mercy and proof that God will use anybody - even a dreadful sinner like me - for His Kingdom's work.

My brothers and sisters, I urge you to spend time every day reading Scripture and praying. Be honest before God for He is your loving and forgiving Father. At the same time, be humble before Him because He is God, the King of kings and Lord of lords.