blessed - endlessly

"Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons...”

- John 2:6

I have been really busy lately. Not only am I working as a part-time receptionist at Church of the Saviour, but I have also been studying for license exams in order to be a financial advisor at Independence Wealth Strategies (IWS), which is an office of MetLife (think: Snoopy).

After interviewing with various companies, I decided to work here because of three main reasons:

1. I believe being a financial advisor will be a great way to combine my business and counseling background
2. I like and agree with MetLife and Independence Wealth Strategies' business structure
   
3. During prayer time at the KUC Youth Group retreat in December 2009, I felt I received the calling to become a financial advisor. It did not make any sense to me at the time because I did not have the credentials or experience to jump from Project Management to Finance. However, my first round of one-on-one interviews with IWS lasted three hours (and I later found out that every candidate after me has heard my name). It was also encouraging when I scored 10 out of 10 on the hour-long on-line exam. I also passed my first of three license exams on Friday!

I have started studying for the Series 7, which I will be taking on November 4th, so please pray for me that I will continue to do my best as a servant of God!

As I just mentioned, my first license exam was this past Friday. I was ahead of my study schedule as of Monday evening. However, I fell behind schedule the rest of the week because I was extremely unproductive on Tuesday and Wednesday due to dark thoughts triggered by intense insecurities of feeling less-than-normal physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Thankfully, by the grace of God, I passed the Life and Health exam on Friday!

After putting together the study material for the Series 7 exam, I headed for the GCC Women's retreat. Here are a few lessons I took away from the retreat:

1. I am not the only one who struggles with insecurities. In fact, every woman I spoke with at the retreat openly shared many of the same struggles with which I struggle! This realization was very encouraging because my thoughts spin out of control into really dark places because I beat myself up for being abnormally not normal. Society tells us that we have to look a certain way, but we have a God who is original. Don't listen to the worldly lies! Besides, how boring would this world be if everyone were the same?
   
2. We live in a spiritual world. Or, to be even more direct, recognize that we live in a spiritual warfare. Therefore, panic, fear, and insecurities could actually be Satanic attacks.
3. Anticipate the riches of God's spiritual world. For example, the name of Jesus has a lot of power and authority. When we pray in Jesus' name, let's pray with conviction! Also, when unbiblical thoughts and feelings creep in, let's cast them out in Jesus' name!
   

I also spent some time in John chapter 2 this evening. In this passage, Jesus performs His first miracle - that is, turning water into wine. Those who grew up in the church should be really familiar with this passage. However, let's take a closer look. The water that Jesus used was from the stone water jar. The kind of jars that hold the filthy water left from people washing their dirty hands in order to eat food with their hands. And Jesus chose to use this particular filthy water, that other people would throw away, to serve the best wine that won the praise of the master of the banquet! Isn't that symbolic of the reason why Jesus came to serve, die on the cross, and rise again?

When I realized that we are like the filthy water that everyone else would throw away, but Jesus came to redeem us, I could not help but weep and weep and weep. As I cried, I felt God's presence fill my heart, melting my heart of stone and replacing it with a heart of flesh. I also felt Him saying, "You are my beloved daughter. I love you so much. I am your perfect Father - the kind of parent that you have always wanted... Abide in me."

I plan to continue spending a lot of time reading and rereading the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John over and over again in the coming months. I want to know Christ well. Moreover, the only way for me to love those around me and show them true grace is have Christ's love and grace overflow from my heart naturally (even on my best days, I am far too limited and sinful to show others true grace and love).

Amen.