my only Hope

"The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance,

that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost."

- 1 Timothy 1:15

As a Protestant, I understand the importance of reading the Bible and praying. As a pastor once said in a sermon, reading the Bible is your spiritual food and praying is like breathing. You need both to have a relationship with God in the first place, let alone one that is vibrant and alive.

I want to be an encouragement to other Christians and a living testimony to non-Christians. Not because I'm perfect. Not because I want to be noticed. Not because I have the ability. But because when the Pharisees asked Jesus to keep His disciples from shouting His praise, Jesus replied, "The very stones will cry out" (Luke 19:40) if His disciples were silent.

Last night, I was sitting in my Dynamics of Biblical Change counseling class when the professor said something that I will not soon forget: "Sin is serious before God. The temptation is to see your wrong in your eyes (guilt) and in other people's eyes (shame). See your wrongs in God's eyes."

I have been really sick with food poisoning today - and I'm sure my psychosomatic tendencies aren't helping, either. As I was crying out to God for mercy and for His healing hands on my physical and emotional brokenness, I recalled last night's lecture. I confessed to God that I am nothing without Him. I know I fall short physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually according to human standards. I am utterly hopeless according to God's standards!

I have been trying so hard to make it appear as though I have everything under control - in hopes that by convincing other people, I will eventually be able to convince myself. However, I have been tremendously humbled.

Thankfully, my professor didn't stop there: "Be in a world where someone's [God's] opinion matters and can help you."

More importantly, the Bible says, "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning" (Lamentations 3:22, 23).

Furthermore, Jesus is the Word of God (John 1). So, in order to develop your relationship with God, it is critical to read the Bible. Do not be discouraged from reading the Bible if you feel you are not ready to approach God because He will meet you where you are. If you doubt that the God of gods and King of kings will welcome a sinner like you and me, just skim through the Bible. You will see that God used flawed people like you and me to do His sovereign work.

If an answer of generalities doesn't work for you, how about Jesus' response to the Pharisees, when they asked why He ate with tax collectors and "sinners": "Those who are well have no need for a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17).

As I write this entry, I find so much comfort in this verse because I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually sick. I hope you find comfort in His words, as well.

sermons by David Gibbons

The past week, I've been listening to Pastor David Gibbons. He is the founding pastor of New Song church in California. Here are the links to the sermons. You won't regret it.

God is in control

Title: Chaos
Text: Genesis 45:1-15, 50:15-21
Pastor: David Gibbons
Link: http://www.sarang.com/bbs/zboard.php?id=pray_sermon&page=1&sn1=&divpage=1&category=&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&select_arrange=headnum&desc=asc&no=7&clicked=1

true worship

Title: The Purple Cow
Text: Isaiah 58:1-12
Pastor: David Gibbons
Link: http://www.sarang.com/bbs/zboard.php?id=pray_sermon&page=1&sn1=&divpage=1&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&select_arrange=headnum&desc=asc&no=8

beloved

Title: Misfits
Text: Luke 15:11-30
Pastor: David Gibbons
Link: http://www.sarang.com/bbs/zboard.php?id=pray_sermon&page=1&sn1=&divpage=1&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&select_arrange=headnum&desc=asc&no=9

walking the straight and narrow

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

- Proverbs 3:5, 6

As the oldest of four children in a traditional Korean family, I am expected to be a good example for my younger siblings by excelling in extra-curricular activities, school, and career. My parents expect nothing less than perfection. When I was younger, I practiced playing piano five hours a day and I memorized science and history textbooks word-for-word. Even more recently, I was in an accelerated training program at a global financial company. If I were not born a perfectionist, the fear of disappointing my parents shaped me into one.

However, after 25 years of trying to please my parents, I spoke up for the very first time: I told my parents that I wanted to take a break from my career path in order to attend Westminster Theological Seminary for two years. Although my mother was reluctant at first, she finally conceded. My father was supportive and, after prayer and fasting, he admitted that although he is my father and wants what he thinks is the best for me, God is my Heavenly Father whom I must obey. Needless to say, I was speechless and I broke down in tears when I recognized God had answered my prayers.

Much to my surprise, what I had thought would bring a sense of liberating freedom has caused much unanticipated confusion. My Korean name, Yehjin, means “wisdom,” but there have been times this year when I felt so lost and clueless. However, letting go of the firm grip I had on worldly wisdom and financial comfort, and grabbing onto God’s promises in Proverbs 3:5, 6 has brought much comfort and peace.

I have decided to commit my first year of seminary to the Lord. To be more specific, I have made a covenant with Him that I will not make post-graduation plans or date this year so that I can focus only on His ministry and my relationship with Him. Consequently, I am surrendering my “need to know” – not because ignorance is bliss, but because I am developing a deeper trust in Him for all areas of my life. He may not reveal to me a “10 year plan,” but I know He will at least show me the next step at the right time. He will provide wisdom, and even if I make mistakes along the way, He will steer me in the right direction because He is sovereign.