Overview: "Always True, God's Promises"

I went to the "Always True, God's Promises When Life is Hard" women's bible study last night. Each week, we will be focusing on one of the following five promises:

1. I will not fear; God is always with me.
2. I will not doubt; God is always in control.
3. I will not despair; God is always good.
4. I will not falter; God is always watching.
5. I will not fail; God is always victorious.

Last night's topic was, "I will not doubt; God is always in control." There are so many things I want to share, but let me unpack Proverbs 3:5-6, which was the key bible verse for this lesson:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart"

• God wants our total commitment
• Doubt is devastating to my soul
• Doubt is for the soul what infidelity is to marriage; foreclosure is to mortgage; and cancer is to the body
  
• When I doubt what God has said, it's destructive to me in every possible way
  
• When I believe what God has said, it's really good for me

"and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him" in every decision

• The conditional promise is that if you do your part, God will do His part

"and he will make straight your paths"

• God will pave the way for you
• God promises the safest, fastest, smoothest road to the best possible destination

Finally, what does it mean for God to be sovereign?

• God is in control
• There is nothing impossible or too hard for God
• God never over-promises and under-delivers

And what is God sovereign over?

• God is sovereign over rebellion (think: Jonah, Jonah 1:4, 1:17, 4:6)
  
• God is sovereign over sin (think: Joseph, Genesis 50:20)
  
• God is sovereign over world events (think: Esther, Esther 4:13-14)

The bible study itself is a well-spent two hours with my sisters in Christ, but that is not where we stop. There are bible studies for us to do on our own throughout the week (which is awesome!). I promise to write down my reflections here - I hope it will bless you, too!

Your words over mine

In my previous entry, I shared how I always thought my 27th year would be filled with happy memories as I start settling down in life. However, this has not been the case. Not only am I far from settling down, but I honestly do not remember crying this much in one year. Regardless of circumstances, my heart has been broken again and again. It makes me feel abandoned, neglected, and overlooked by God.

Ever since a few weeks ago, I have been working part-time at Church of the Saviour. The past couple weeks, I have been using my lunch breaks to pray in the sanctuary (perhaps the greatest perk of working at church?). Today, I prayed during my lunch break. However, that wasn't enough. So I asked my manager if I could take a 10-minute break to pray again. However, that wasn't enough, either. So I apologized and asked to be dismissed early because I had to pray some more.

God knows my financial needs far better than I do. So I don't understand why I got rejected by yet another company. God also knows my desire for marriage. So I don't understand why I am interested in someone who is supposedly too good with women and has a messy past with a non-Christian girl. Both news broke my heart.

So, as I sat there in the first pew at the foot of the cross, I felt like God was overlooking my needs and desires. I felt like God was teasing me. I felt... I felt... I felt. But I told myself NO. And I asked the Holy Spirit to press biblical truths upon my heart. Thankfully, bible verses started coming to me. Like, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). And, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Corinthians 10:13). And, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4). And, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:13-14).

Tomorrow, I will be joining a women's Bible study at Church of the Saviour. It's called, "Always True, God's Promises When Life is Hard." I signed up for it, even though the Bible study started two weeks ago, I have a lot on my plate already, and the $10 enrollment fee is a sacrifice for me right now. Logic says no, my soul says YES. My prayer is that this class will be one more way for God to meet me in an intimate way.

27.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

Tonight was the first GCC Villanova small group for the Spring semester, so we all shared a highlight from our winter break. I said that I turned 27 earlier this month. Almost everyone was surprised. They thought I was in my early 20's (please insert a warm, appreciative smile here).

Yes, yes... I am 27 years old.

For as long as I can remember, I thought I would be settling down this year - individually and relationally. To be more specific, I thought I would have my career figured out and that I would be getting married this summer. You know what? I don't have my life figured out - I'll be doing a lot of new things this year, including starting a PhD program (I hope!), but the LORD has yet to show me a man of God who is adored by my parents and me.

So that's when I realized what I want my New Years resolution to be for 2011: I want to dedicate this year to God. The year that I have looked forward to for so long. The year that I had always thought would be the "golden year". The year I thought would be all about me. I want to turn it upside down and make it less about me and more about God. Please feel free to hold me accountable.

excerpt from Dr. Mininger's closing statement

At the end of the last class for Biblical Theology II, the professor shared his thoughts about who we are as Christians. I was so touched that I had to fight back tears. I hope it blesses you, too!

"Who are we? We are a people fallen in Adam, preserved in Noah, given promises in Abraham, brought out of Egypt under Moses, settled temporarily in a visible, earthly kingdom through Joshua, ruled for a time by David and his sinful sons, driven out of that visible kingdom by Assyria and Babylon, restored under Ezra and Nehemiah, yet without glory, all the while longing for something greater, awaiting not just a better country on earth or a better political system here and now but a consummated life with God, a heavenly city. We are a people for whom the eternal Son became man, for whom he died and rose again and is exalted, having received every blessing in himself, inaugurated the age to come, opened up the heavenly tabernacle for priestly service, given us the power of the age to come in the Spirit dwelling within us. We are a people whose lives are now hidden in the heavenly places in Christ. We have died to this world and our lives will appear with him in glory when he returns. We are a people who, though we have possessions, live as if we did not; though we have earthly citizenships, live from one that is not at all of this world. We are a people whose ultimate destiny is detached from this world so that we can serve this world through sacrificial lives poured out like that of our Savior. We are freed from this world and from slavery to sin and death for a purpose, that is, so that we can be slaves to the Lord of hosts and vessels of his mercy in an evil age. We are a people who long for the ultimate, visible establishment of God's kingdom in glory and power, not by what we do, but by what He Himself will do when Christ reappears!"

- Marcus Mininger
May 6, 2010

21 questions

My father has this uncanny ability to get to the root of every issue. I believe God used my father's intelligence and logic to turn me back to Christ during winter break of my Junior year in college (please let me know if you would like to hear that story sometime). Last night, I believe God used my father again to face my fear head-on.

After asking me seemingly countless questions, I finally screamed out with frustration, "Because I'm scared! I'm scared that I'll never get married! I know I should trust God, but it doesn't help that I'm getting older and older... I feel like other girls are snatching up all the good guys!"

He had asked me why I am praying about celibacy and why I want to commit my life to a demanding career in Finance. I guess a part of me knew that I was scared, but I was also too scared to admit that I was scared -- almost as if admitting my fear would make my fear real. Furthermore, I have been telling myself that, as a 26 year old, I have at least another couple years to stay single. Not to mention, words like "snatching up" were never in my vocabulary, so I was shocked by my own words.

My dad then asked me what would happen in an ideal world. I said that if I had no limitations, I would start dating now and get married next year. My dad asked me why I am studying for the CFAs, instead of spending that time being socially active. He said that was like asking God for something and then not giving God any opportunity to answer my prayers.

prepare for battle!

"What is the battle? To risk unpopularity by preaching the cross as a real cross on which a real Savior shed real blood for real sinners headed for a real hell. The battle is giving up the pretence that we are all nice people. The battle is taking the gospel to the lost with radical devotion. The battle is to own nothing in order to own Christ. The battle is to have no righteousness except the righteousness of God through faith in Christ. The battle is to attack the dark places of the earth with all the energy of the Spirit and the conquering gospel of the substitutionary death of Christ."

- C. John Miller's The Heart of Servant Leader

faithful Father

God...

Thank You for loving me... especially as much as You do.

I don't know why You love me or why You chose me in the first place. I constantly swing from one idol to another and back again. Even at my best, I am afraid I will not be able to love You the way You deserve. Everything I have is Yours, so it's not like I can give You anything that You don't have already.

In my sinful pride, I think it's noble for me to live on 10% of what I make and use the other 90% for Your ministry. Please forgive me. I know everything I have is a gift from You. After all, I know what You want.

But in my selfishness, I wonder if You are asking for too much... all my heart, all my strength, all my mind... all the time? Really, God? Is that even possible?

In my brokeness, I wonder why You'd even want me at all. My own mother doesn't seem to want me sometimes - even when I do everything I can to keep her happy. And do I even have to mention that no guy is pursuing me? (I was sure that I would be married by the time I was 27... that's next year!)

I had promised you at least the first year of seminary - no plans for the future, no romantic relationships. Ohhhh, how I have failed! What's even worse is that I try to rationalize it all in my mind: I need to plan accordingly for the next step, right? If I'm serious about being a professor, I should take the GMATs one last time and apply for schools starting this fall, right? If I'm serious about pursuing a corporate career, I should take the CFA exam this June, right? And, what's wrong with being friends with the guy for now and then start dating this summer? We can't just date without knowing each other first as friends, right? It takes time to become true friends, doesn't it?

But you know my heart. So why are You so faithful to me when I have been so unfaithful? What is more fascinating is that You give me no other option than to keep my promises. Even when I try to break my own promises, You shut the doors. You love me so much that You won't let me continue to make decisions that I may regret later. Why do You love me so much even when I act like I don't love You sometimes? Clearly, it's not because I deserve to be loved by You.

Do You see something in me that I do not see? Should I finally risk it all and see what it looks like to gain the most important One of all? I'm scared. Letting go of all the comforts in this world. I know You make everything in this world pale in comparison to You - I have caught glimpses of that. But being the sick person that I am, I return to my own vomit again and again. I feel so pathetic. hopeless. helpless. unloveable. Yet the God of gods and King of kings runs to welcome me?! I know it's not because of anything I did or anything I am. If You were anybody else and I treated You the way I do, You would have cursed and left me a long time ago.

I'm sorry for being so unfaithful. Thank You for being so patient, forgiving, loving, faithful, helpful, thoughtful - more than I deserve, more than I could even imagine to ask for.

I love You. Help me to love You more.

Always,


- me -